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A Journal to 'celebrate' all that the ordinary people feel about Wills and Kate's million pound wedding...


Literally hundreds of poets sent us submissions and we are delighted to say that none of them supported these parasites... a few samples below:





Poem for the Marriage of the Prince

of England and Soon-to-Be Princess


William and Kate

No use hating them

Golden lads and girls must

Come to dust too as

Willie the Shake wrote

A long time ago, when royal

Folk were getting married too or

Sometimes just getting

It on the sly pretending

to be virgins the

better to get a grip

On their subjects’ hearts

And minds but

Never mind, I say, the

Royals live and die as

We all do, just with more

Money, with a tip o’

The hat to Hem and F. Scott

And their long arguments over

The pseudo-majesty of the rich

Let them marry,

Let them have children and die

And let their children marry again

Maybe someday they’ll have

The grace to step outside of

Being royal and just

Learn what it means to be

Human, that greatest

Gift of all

Which maybe the

Royals are most lacking in

And which we can

Show them by

The kindness in our

Hearts to look

The other way

When they stage those awful

Gawdy overpriced

Carnivals called

Royal Weddings.


Gerald Nicosia  

Twenty-Five Foot Train



I’m of tough constitution

but I suppose

it was the vision

of her puff ball meringue wedding dress

which disagreed with me:

the hand-sewn silk taffeta

the puffed sleeves

& frilly necktie

the 10,000 laced pearls


drinking beer

under the house

to escape the summer heat

I switched on the tube:

St Paul’s

Big Ears & Porcelain Doll

the twenty-five foot train



I lurched forward  

                           & projectile vomited.



The Pont de l’Arma Tunnel

is held as a special place in my heart:


the black crushed Merc

the thirteenth pillar

the quick ache of ecstasy

when I see a white Fiat Uno.



Will & Kate

Sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be entering

your lottery for a chance to attend

your 20 million pound wedding


if it’s a hot day

I’ll drink beer

under the house

& read a book.


George Anderson

Royal Wedding Song


Stuff em all!

Stuff em all!

The bastards who

Think they are Royal


Give them no promotion

Throw the twats in the Ocean

Then all stand and cheer

Stuff em all!


Rosa Crippen

David Cameron hears the news of the impending royal nuptials


Hurrah for William and Kate,

Excuse me as I salivate:

The plebs will all be so distracted

I can get all sorts enacted

And nobody will mind the mess

I make of public services if the bride wears a really nice dress;


And I can to let it slip that I

Camped out to cheer for Charles and Di

All night on the Mall, yes I slept rough!

(Which shows I understand homelessness, and am also pretty darned tough!)


Ah! happy days! So raise your glass

To William and his down-to-earth and not at all over-privileged lass

For she’s no longer Waity Katie

And I get to live my dream of taking us all back to the jolly old ‘80s!


Gwen Seabourne



it is a monstrous deceit

imposed upon the masses;

persuading the workers

to lick Royal arses


it seems so shallow yet

for now it does the trick

as millions cheer the whore

and that arrogant, dim-witted, prick


a blindfold of sheer vanity

masks their inherent need

to perpetuate the power lust,

which feeds their unquenchable greed…


and so they strut before us

contemptuous of us all

unaware that the majority

are harkening to a call:


“Too long we’ve tolerated

  you robber-baron scum

  we wont do that forever

 ‘reckoning-day’ will come…”


  Alice Collier

On This Day


See now, in 3D, the marriage of these two important people as we, the other people, are gathered to unite celebrities who would have, at some other time, been considered venerable members of royalty.  Let us now take a moment to envision these two heroes brimming with light as God has intended.


Let us pray and pay no mind to the throat-knifing screams of protest occurring outside this sacred and thoroughly barricaded Holy House, from which many have married yes, but from which few have been granted such grandeur and awe in the presence of Him.


As we can tell by the gold gilded pews and the fragrance of unaffordable perfume, this event is appropriately suited to wed these two in lifelong matrimony.  Let us now take a moment to bask in this glory of their uniting and--if we can--conjure up an adequate sense of jealously.


Even as the infrastructures crumble around us, along with all humbling sentiment, let us rejoice in the love between these two deities.  Let us now lay upon the long and delicately embroidered Indian carpet many expensive flowers as we await the coming bride.


We must apologize for further delay on this unprecedented day as our technicians have yet to fully integrate the HD TVs into the broadcast interface.  During this time let us draw our attention to this wonderful seven foot tall, 90 kilo cake, which--naturally--has been imported from Portugal.


As we wait still let us now give due credence to the divine lineage that has come before on these blessed steps.  Let us give thanks to these two blessed people that, after such terrible endeavor and hardship, managed to meet together in this military protected house of God.  Let us now pray to Him.


Robert Cole